海洋

我才知道自己多麼喜歡看海。

 

我以為我討厭海邊,但當我發現自己有可能一整年看不見海的時候我竟然開始悶悶不樂。

我記得她是怎麼擺盪她的藍,也記得她是如何溫柔的呼喊,接近她好像就能離世界更進一點。

我也記得我們跟海,我想連結只剩下這些了,只剩下海,但海又是這麼大,大到好像不只是這些。

 

我也想成為海洋,也想要像海一樣能夠在內心裡承載很多,不管是好是壞。

只有海能夠不管得到好的壞的,依然擁有魚兒為她歡欣鼓舞,鳥兒盤旋著高聲歌唱,彷彿萬物都在幫助她閃閃發光,如同我說起最愛的你們時是滿身的笑意。

 

最特別的是,她還可以擁有白色的太陽。

Loneliness

Little Prince - lonlieness

pic via Redemptive Reflections

In fact, everyone afraid of loneliness, but no one can describe it specifically; what it is, what it looks like, how does it smell.

Loneliness is a transition. You said goodbye to those familiar things, yet to find the new place to fit in; those days chasing your dream with lost and hesitation sharing with nobody; saying “we are growing together" when they were kids, while Peter Pan cannot remember anything; different kinds of loneliness, so different but so the same.

To lose love is a symbol of loneliness. Meeting under the starry night and boy asked girl to reach out the stars for him, she promised him but arouse a lonely flowing. You walk on the path ablaze with lights and nobody holds your hand, no one to chat with, this is so-called loneliness.

Loneliness will happen in the right time and right place, when you cannot go away, and neither come back.

However, girl, trying to remember what Douglas Coupland said in 《Shampoo Planet》: “the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”

Also, Janet Fitch probably can help us cope with this from 《White Oleander》: “
Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”

Chuffed to bits

I was just thinking that as if I gave too much meaning when we first met.

Just last second, I suddenly chuffed to bits that you actually spent a lot of time with me.

How does the time we spend become so important? Not until the very last moment do we understand.

The Fox in The Little Prince reminds me: because such a relationship, there is no way to stop crying when farewell came.

When farewell came, I believed, Little Prince knew that he will not go back. There are millions and millions of stars in the sky, how could he find a tiny sparkling in the milky way? It is too difficult. Just as difficult as we desire to go back to those fantastic days.

However he said, “it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers…"(The Little Prince, p.72)

These little sparkles are the same as those trivial things in life, those delighted times, Little Prince following, “In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing. When you look at the sky at night…you – only you – will have stars that can laugh!"(The Little Prince, p.73)

I wish I could have this kind of  happiness, yes, I really do.